I am starting to come into my own in my new job, but there I still dread disciplining employees, especially letting them go aka firing them. I get heart palpitations and I start to pee my pants a little. Not fun. Sometimes I wish I remained a staff nurse. I have to detach myself and not get caught up in the emotions of the employee when I have to write them up. They're no longer my peers. I cannot worry about what they think about me anymore. I have to remind myself that I cannot be effective when I am too familiar with the staff. The trick is finding a balance of empathy and doing what is right for everyone involved. My ultimate goal is providing excellent patient care and helping the nurses feel satisfied in their job. Sometimes, I feel like I am hitting my head against the wall, but other times, I know I am doing a good job. I have to remember that.
It doesn't help that I have not been very creative lately. I am literally falling on my face when I get home from work. I no longer browse scrapbook message boards or rarely look at blogs. I don't spend my waking hours buried in the scrapbook room. I really miss it. This upcoming weekend, I am going to do something fun and creative if it kills me.