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June 2009
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August 2009

i wasn't supposed to like it.

I made fun of grown women reading Twilight, and now I stand corrected. A friend talked me into giving the series a try, letting me borrow the first 2 books in the series. Now I am hooked. I am a bit embarrassed that Abby and I like the same books. We attempted to borrow Eclipse from the library to save some money but apparently there is a list of 90 TEENAGE girls waiting for the book. How embarrassing. Like totally.

Twilight New moon Eclipse Breaking dawn


family.

This is another photo that has been begging to be scrapped. My poor husband still remembers that he was not in the photo because he was the one behind the camera aka he was the only  glow-in-the-dark family member. Ha ha.
Family500


we heart this baby.

My stepdaughter has been wondering why I have not been in the scrapbook room. Even she notices that the world is not right when I never go in there anymore. Sigh. Well, she and I scrapped today. Felt good to get the glue and paper out again. :)

HeartBaby500

Abby and I are rebuilding trust. Slowly but surely. I had a heart to heart with her last night and made it clear to her how much her actions hurt me, how much all of her actions can affect other people. It was the first time I didn't doubt her sincerity. I also talked to her about the fact that her dad, her mom, nor I will not always be there to guide her in her decisions. She has to make good choices. If you do something you are proud of, something you are not afraid to tell your parents or God, you are doing the right thing. If you want to hide what you have done, you probably shouldn't have done those things. Think about what you are doing. If you are ashamed of it, don't do it. Simple. I think she is getting it. It is difficult to raise someone 3 times a year. Talking on the phone is not enough. But I pray that she is on a better road. Hopefully, our scrapbooking helps as part of therapy. It has certainly cost me enough through the years. Ha!


i might forgive, but i won't forget.

Abby has been with us for almost a week and it has been a little awkward between us. My sister keeps telling me to move on and that she is just a child who does not know any better. I know this. I feel bad for her. She is already following me around and copying everything I am doing. She desperately wants attention. She has personally apologized for her actions and I have forgiven her. She has gone to Confession, but I still don't believe that she understands the seriousness of what she did. The priest had her in the confessional for literally 30 seconds. He was supposed to put the fear of God in her. He didn't cooperate like we would like. Sigh.

I am trying to put this behind us. We took her phone away and she has gone to bed early the past few days. This is like the most severe form of torture for a 12 year-old girl. She's lucky we have not taken away her Jonas Brothers music. That would border on abuse if we did that. She is still not going to the Jonas Brothers concert. She offered that as a punishment for herself. The sad part is- we can't even give these darn tickets away. My cousin's little 8 year-old girl declined. Everyone I have asked would rather have their eyes poked out with a fork than go to said concert. Guess we will have to eat the cost.

I am still committed to having quality time with each other. But it will be a long time before I trust anything she says. I am second guessing the words that are coming out of her mouth. I cannot continue to be mad at her though. I am not doing anyone any favors by carrying a grudge. I cannot deny Abby a positive experience with us just to prove a point. Sometimes I forget that I am the adult here. Onwards and upwards...


a little parenting advice, please.

Remember when I took Abby to Mamma Mia! to celebrate her entrance into womanhood? Well, we just found out that she has been lying to us. That she got her period. For 2 years. She has NEVER gotten her period. I am so pissed. I am hurt. I am pissed. Has she lost her mind? Who lies about something like that? Why does she feel the need to do that? Why did she let my mom, my sister, and I give her the royal girly treatment when she knew everything she said was a lie? She does not treat her brother very well sometimes and we attribute it to sibling rivalry. She says it was because she was PMSy. 2 years. 48 months. She lied to us for 48 months. I could cry.

I break my back to make Abby's visits with us memorable and enjoyable. I give her girl time, family time because she rarely gets that at home. Or so she says. What else has she been lying about? That her mom doesn't spend that much time with her? That she wishes she could live with us?

She is now 12 years old and she has been pretty much raising herself. She does not do her homework. She has no consequences. She is rewarded with a phone with unlimited texting. She plays with her friends and has no accountability for her actions. What are we supposed to do when she is many miles away? She knows that we are strict and have clear expectations when she comes. But on her own, she is a wild child. Yes, we see the good in her, too, but I don't know if it has been an act. I have come to the understanding that I have been manipulated. All this time.

Junior came to us the same way. No consequences. Did not bother to do any schoolwork. Got Cs and Ds. Did not care about getting grounded from going outside because he had his own computer, his own TV, his own game systems in his room. Just like Abby. The difference now is that Junior lives with us. He has structure. There are clear expectations. He gets straight As with Honors classes. He goes to church every Sunday. He goes to Sunday School. In fact, he will be getting Confirmed next year. It has not been all roses, but we have raised a good boy in just 1 and a half years.

We are not perfect. We watch way too much TV. We curse a lot. We fight sometimes. But we want to raise a good and kind person who will be a positive contributor to this world of ours. I think we are doing ok.

Now what do we do with a girl who is losing her way? Her mom refuses to change the way she parents. She thinks she is doing just fine. Abby hasn't done anything to get arrested. Yet. She has not failed school. Yet. Why change anything? She has raised her to lie and to do it so convincingly that even Abby believes everything that comes out of her own mouth. Did her mom who bought her a huge box of pads 2 years ago really not notice that she never used ANY of it? She just noticed this NOW? This is how we discovered this. The big box of pads were never used. How fucking stupid is this woman? In case you couldn't tell, I am pissed. I truly do not know what my husband ever saw in her. Obviously, she is nothing like me. Ha!

Abby will be here on Saturday. I can't even talk to her right now. I can't trust a thing that she says. I hope I get over this, but I cannot bring myself to reward her with anything. My time, my attention, a trip to Disneyland. And because of this, Junior gets no rewards either. My husband refuses to take a trip without her because she will only be here for 5 weeks. He thinks we shouldn't do that to her. It might hurt her feelings. She might cry. You know what? She should cry. She should feel bad. You know what else? My husband has promised to take her to a Jonas Brothers concert for her birthday. I don't feel like she deserves it. He will probably still take her. To me this says that she can lie to us, we will easily forgive her, and she gets rewarded.

Am I too uptight? Too harsh? How do I get over this? Am I over thinking everything? What would you do?


step away from the farm town.

I admit. I have been distracted the past few weeks. I have not blogged. I have not scrapbooked. I have not cleaned the toilets. All because I have discovered this game on Facebook called Farm Town. I have been busy farming and growing crops and I have neglected everything else. I know, I know. I need to get a grip. I need to get a life. But it has quickly become an obsession and I cannot help myself. My family has resorted to ridiculing my love of the game and I don't even care. Anyone want to become my neighbor on my favorite game?
Myfarm