happy easter.
birthday card.

it's vulva, not vajayjay.

I'm an Oprah fan and I catch up on my DVRd episodes from time to time. I love all of her shows. Except this particular episode. Last week, she had a show about how to talk to your daughters about sex. I learned about "sexting." I didn't know that the photos my husband and I send to each other had a name. Ha! :) Anyway, what the heck? I can't even figure out how to text punctuation on my phone let alone send any photos of myself. Naked. And I am 35 years old, not 14. I had homework to do at that age. Teens know way too much about sex, more than me, I think. I learned that first base is kissing. Second base is feeling each other up. Third base is oral sex. WTF?! Fourth base is coitus. Girls give oral sex to boys in between periods. Can't they just smoke in the bathrooms before they get to their next class like the girls in my class did? Where are the smelling salts? I have the vapors.

The sex doctor on the show believes that we should teach our daughters how to pleasure themselves so that she does not have to depend on a boy to make her feel good about herself. When I say "pleasure" I don't mean the feeling you get when you eat a whole box of chocolate. I get what the doctor says in the sense that I would not want my (step)daughter to try to make herself popular or do anything stupid like make me a (step)grandma before I became a mom of my own. And then she mentioned vibrators. Oh, holy Lord. How do I even present this to my stepdaughter? In poster board form like I do for my staff when I present an in-service about medications and new supplies? I like to make my presentations interactive ya know.

I am so glad that my husband talks to Junior about that and that I am not really involved with these talks. Junior is a little uncomfortable and I am a LOT uncomfortable. Remember the hot dog talk? I rest my case. At times, I wish Abby lived with us, but after watching this show and the responsiblity of a mother to a daughter about sex, I say, Thank God. Then again, I could show her a few episodes of Rock of Love. She'll learn everything she ever needs to know.

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