i am a coconut.

if you come near me, i will bite your arm off.

It's been less than a week since I started Weight Watchers and so far, so good. Except I am hungry. All. The. Time. If I am hungry, I am cranky. If I am cranky, you better stay away because I will eat you. Of course, that would depend on how many points that would be on the Flex Plan. I can only eat someone like a 3 year old child to stay within my point range, ya know.

I guess I have to find other ways to distract and amuse me. Which brings me to something I will incorporate into my WW regime. I was watching Oprah the other day about this husband and wife who were on the brink of divorce because they were not having any sex. After 2 kids and busy careers, they were exhausted and were no longer connecting. Hmmm. These days I can relate. My hubby and I are busy and tired after we get home. If hubby is in the mood, I am already in bed and he is not in the habit of taking advantage of an unconscious woman. I think. If I am in the mood, I am at work and it is inappropriate to ask my husband to come and service me in the housekeeper's closet. Besides, that would just be gross. In other words, I have been thinking of things to make things more interesting. Too much information? Probably. But you are catching me at a cranky and sarcastic time. I guess that's what happens when I am not inhaling a box of chocolate. Starvation is like truth serum. Who knew?

In any case, I issued my husband a challenge based on the Oprah show. The wife decided that she and her husband were going to have sex every night for 1 week. Fireworks didn't happen every night. I'm sure they would have had to have just gone through the motions. But there was action every single night for 1 week. Could we do that? I mean, at this stage and time, I want to cuddle with my pillow for at least 8 hours. Forget having to think up some inconceivable role play in the bedroom. Honey, you be the doctor and I will be the nurse. (I know how to be a nurse. Just ask a rectal thermometer). The doctor suddenly has time between patients and has nothing to do. Oh, but the nurse is miraculously done with her charting and routine butt-wiping. Wait a minute. Is the doctor single and bored? Is the nurse wearing 3 inch heels and a stethescope? What else is there to do but get busy? How about patient care and more paperwork. How about cleaning up vomit and changing diapers? Don't these people have better time management? Don't they just want to go home and go to bed? See? I'm not really good at role play. In my real life, I want to kill the doctor for something he's done. And then eat him.

Again, I digress.

I dared my husband. Could we do what this husband and wife did on Oprah? Would I be able to stay awake long enough to enjoy it? Would we be able to reconnect after months of exhaustion? Don't get me wrong. I love my husband. But we are now very comfortable with each other. And the action has dissipated since we first got married. I still catch my breath when he comes into the room. He still makes my heart skip a beat (especially when he vacuums). It's finding time for each other that's not going so well. It doesn't help that a 14-year old boy is 2 doors down. I get a little performance anxiety. I can get...how should I say...expressive. And loud. I certainly don't want to traumatize him anymore than he already is. But there are sacrifices to be made for the sake of fornication. So here it is. For all the world to see. My daily exercise program is now incorporated into my WW plan.

I guess hubby is pretty lucky this week. I get hungry and he gets some nookie. I will keep you posted. :)

it's about damn time.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. It's at least the first day of 10 weeks of my life on Weight Watchers. I have been thinking about joining it since they have been coming to my workplace. I come to work everyday anyway. It's convenient and I am at least held accountable to someone other than myself. I haven't been very successful on my own and I've needed a huge kick in the pants.

I attended the first meeting today and they weighed me. Thank goodness the scale is hidden, otherwise I would have probably died from embarrassment. Why don't they let us weigh naked? We're already humiliated enough. Don't they know that my shoes weigh about 4 pounds? Of course, there is no judgment at these meetings. We've all been in the same boat. It's good that I'm not alone. It's still quite shocking to look at my actual weight. How in the hell did that happen? How could have I let myself go this way? This is it. I am going to do something about myself. This is not about getting into my maid of honor dress. This is about sticking around for my hubby and now my stepson. My lifestyle has got to CHANGE.

I am unhappy with the way I feel. I am tired all the time and I don't have any energy on my days off. I certainly don't like the way I look. I don't feel sexy or attractive anymore, no matter how much my husband tells me that he still likes me. I don't like that my health is keeping me from bearing a child on my own. If I am not meant to be a mom, then so be it. At the very least I want to live long enough to attack my husband every night of the week. Dammit.

So wish me luck. I think I'm gonna need it.

i hate this part.

I am starting to come into my own in my new job, but there I still dread disciplining employees, especially letting them go aka firing them. I get heart palpitations and I start to pee my pants a little. Not fun. Sometimes I wish I remained a staff nurse. I have to detach myself and not get caught up in the emotions of the employee when I have to write them up. They're no longer my peers. I cannot worry about what they think about me anymore. I have to remind myself that I cannot be effective when I am too familiar with the staff. The trick is finding a balance of empathy and doing what is right for everyone involved. My ultimate goal is providing excellent patient care and helping the nurses feel satisfied in their job. Sometimes, I feel like I am hitting my head against the wall, but other times, I know I am doing a good job. I have to remember that.

It doesn't help that I have not been very creative lately. I am literally falling on my face when I get home from work. I no longer browse scrapbook message boards or rarely look at blogs. I don't spend my waking hours buried in the scrapbook room. I really miss it. This upcoming weekend, I am going to do something fun and creative if it kills me.

little boy lost.

 Today is the 2nd day of high school for Junior and it's been quite eventful already. On the first day, he was up early and ready to go. He was very excited and was a little terrified, I think. The schools in Vegas are definitely a little bigger than where he used to live. All was well until he got lost on the walk home. He went right instead of left. Poor boy. He's only been with us for 6 months and has only been driven around town. He's never been out on the streets alone and we assumed he knew his way home. Oops. After one and a half hours of walking in the 100 degree weather, he finally made it home, thanks to his handy new cell phone and my hubby's directions. We are definitely not parents of the year. Just don't call CPS. Or his mom.

rest in peace.

My desktop computer with Windows has taken a dump. I guess it was about time since it's 4 years old. Thank goodness I had the sense to save all of my photos in my external hard drive. Otherwise, I would be in such a state of depression that even chocolate couldn't save me. I recovered all my files anyway thanks to my sister's nerdy friends who are part of the Geek Squad at Best Buy. No way in heck was I going to pay $300 for them to diagnose and fix the computer. I would have just called it a loss. In exchange, I will be cooking for them. Suckers! I guess they'll agree to anything since they've never tasted my cooking. Ha! In any case, they said that my motherboard has just died and they couldn't fix it. But they would be happy to rebuild another computer at a fraction of the price. Yay! Junior needs a computer anyway now that he will be entering high school. I'm still not fully converted to being exclusively Mac. I still enjoy some of the Windows programs. For instance, I am going to miss the Cricut Design Studio, which does not come in a Mac version. It really makes me sad. But nothing makes me sadder than the thought that my porn is lost forever in the land of hard drives. Sigh. (If my mom is reading this, I'm just kidding. Sheesh.)

new stampin' up! catalog.

Wow. I love the new Stampin' Up! catalog. The new stamps are beautiful! For those who have already taken a peek, what's your favorite new product from the catalog?

i love my snaggletooth dog.

So what if Snack has a birth defect? He's still super adorable. :)

magistical memories guest dt member.

 

 

Magistical Memories was kind enough to ask me to be their Guest DT Member for August. I was very productive with their chipboard products! Scrapbooking feels good! :)

what's up.

It's been a very eventful week. 

• Joint Commission came for their unannounced visit so I've been pretty busy keeping the unit on track. After a week of the survey, our hospital passed! Wahoo! I still have a job. :P  
• My sisters and I went for a fitting for our bridesmaids dresses yesterday. Joy. 2 of the bridal specialists had to hoist me in my skirt/strapless top combo. I keep telling my brother that he just needs to elope already. They're already knocked up. Why spend so much money on one day? Save your dough and buy yourselves a house, says the girl who did exactly what she is advising you not to do. In any case, I'm not very happy with the dress color. It's called "persimmon," not a mandarin orange like I thought it was. Not exactly sure how to explain the color. It's like the orange is trying to become the red. Not quite orange, not quite red. $300 later, including alterations, I felt violated and a little annoyed. But I just have to remind myself that this is for family and that the humiliation of wearing a strapless dress is worth it. He better name his firstborn child after me. I don't care that they're actually having a boy. Dammit.
• I'm getting used to my new Mac Book Pro. I'm starting to get the hang of the Smart Touch Pad and I no longer want to throw it across the room. 
• I graduated from Pilates. 3 months of classes covered by insurance. Wow. I never thought I would miss my instructor asking me if I want to try something new or if I want to do some cardio. I almost don't want to stab her right now. Almost.    

I am looking for a very uneventful weekend. 

more interview advice.

I thought my last set of interviews were a bit strange but I was wrong. I had another set of interviews lately and could not believe my luck. Here are other tips to make your next job interview a success:

• Please do not bring your children on the interview.  
• Please do not dare ask if the children can sit in on the interview.
• Please do not bring your mother so that she can ask if she and her grandchild can stay during the interview.
• Please do not bring your grandfather.
• Please do not say that one of your strengths is punctuality after you show up late. We won't believe you.
• Please do not say you want the job for school credit.  
• Please do not tell me that because you already have to "deal" with children at home, you can also "deal" with them at work. We actually like our pediatric patients even if they poop and pee on us. Nobody messes with my patients. Dammit.  
• Whiners, complainers, mean people need not apply. 

Thank you.