Needless to say, I am very green at the parenting, especially to a 14 year old boy. Yesterday, I was catching up on my Dr. Phil episodes and Junior happened to be around as is the case every day now. They were featuring teens who were having sex and getting pregnant. Thank goodness for shows like Bret Michaels' Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, and Dr. Phil. They teach lessons I didn't have to explain myself. Of course, I encouraged an open dialogue (please don't have sex). I asked him what he knew (please don't have sex). He explained that his mom told him all about it- you put your thingie in her thingie (you better not have sex). WTF? This is one of my pet peeves, when people don't give private parts their given medical names. But I guess I should be grateful that she was not telling him about his schnitzel and her bun, know what I mean? Anyway, I digress. Throughout the course of the show one of the teen girls on the show stated that she was afraid to have sex because she heard it hurt. Of course, Junior asked why all the teens were doing it if it hurt so bad? I set him straight and told him that yes it hurts. Her Veronica will bite yours off. OK, I didn't say that. But I did tell him that at first this act hurts the female (don't have sex) but that we want him to wait until he was married and that this act was very special to both a husband and a wife. In other words, I lied to him. Ha! But he kept insisting on knowing why sex hurts so much. In my infinite knowledge of sex and parenting, I asked him to think about a hot dog going into his ear and see if he would like it. Got that? It hurts. So don't do it. Dammit.