There's a lot to think about when one is home alone without anything to do but to sit and get better. Of course, I do my PT exercises and sneak in some housework even though Jeff forbids it. I try and scrapbook but sitting for long periods of time hurts me. So I stop. In the end, I think about things. A LOT. We know that we are blessed with our situation despite my injury. Financially we are ok. I have a job with benefits. It allows me to be home to recover for over a month with pay. We have shelter over our heads. We eat well. Too well, I think. :)
Sometimes I wonder what my purpose is. What am I here for? Once I thought it was to become a mother. It's not looking like this anymore. At least biologically. I cannot mentally and psychologically handle fertillity treatments at this time. I cried too much and I wanted to rise above that. I felt sorry for myself too often and forgot about all the other blessings in our life. Summertime made me wonder about a life beyond just Jeff and myself, which by the way is not too bad. I kinda like him. But one with kids, his kids. I connected with Jeff Jr. and Abigail so much more this time around. We had quality time and I was not afraid of fricking them up so much anymore. Yes, they drove me up the wall, but after they left, I missed them terribly. Is this how a mother feels when her children are not around? An emptiness and an unwelcome silence? A hollow feeling in the pit of one's stomach? I did not bear these children but I feel SOMETHING, a connection I cannot describe. Motherly love coming from someone other than their own mother? Strange, I know.
So. Jeff and I are seriously thinking of having the munchkins live with us. All the time. Not just the summer parenting thing. Problem is, we got an ex-wife in the picture. No, she's not a witch. At least not now. But she's had physical custody of the kids since the divorce. The kids are doing well where they are now. But Jeff Jr. will be 12 years old soon. He idolizes his father and needs a father figure beyond the minimum visits and twice weekly phone calls. Senior wants to have more time with his son and Junior craves it so very much. Sure the ex-wife has offered to have him live with us, but that's because he has started the teen back talk. We could have said yes at that point. But what about Abby? We don't want to separate them. They are the only constant in their life and they probably couldn't make it without one another. Still, we have a feeling that the ex will not give up custody of Abby simply because she is her own spitting image and she is spoiled rotten by her side of the family. Looks JUST like her. Hence the problems we have with the ex's mother aka the ex-monster-in-law who wants to start over with the mistakes she made with her own daughter. She wants Abby to be her guinea pig and her daughter Junior. Yes, I digress. In any case, Abby needs her father as much as her brother. And she needs a father who will treat them and love both of them equally. Yes, she needs a mother, but what am I? Chopped liver? I think I would be ok at it.
We are still in the preliminary stages of these thoughts. We have gotten the name of a family court lawyer and want to see where we stand in this. I have a feeling we won't get far, but it's worth a try, right? They are doing ok in another state. No serious problems besides Jeff Jr. wanting to see more of his father, and Abby talking too much in class (she is her father's daughter, ha!). Why uproot them? Well, we've thought about this, too. Yes, it would be a sacrifice for all, but hubby and I believe we have a lot to offer. We have a family unit for them here. Both sides of the family is here for support (well, except the ex monster-in-law but she's not a constant). My family welcomes them with open arms. They could learn a lot about tolerance and other cultures. I don't know. We really don't want to make this ugly for us or for the kids. Maybe the answer would just be to talk to the ex about our thoughts and sees how she feels about it. Without court battles. We may be surprised. I guess time will tell.