My ass hurts from walking. I don't think I've walked so much since... well, since never. And my body feels it. Had to make sure I didn't lift anything because my herniated disk does not need to get more herniated. Got tons of catalogs and it was fun meeting fellow scrappers and bloggers. So good to meet people I've only ever "met" online and it always blows me away when it feels like I know them so well! Love this community of scrappers I've had the lucky opportunity to encounter! Mwah!
Did this digi LO late tonight using elements from Tracey Lee from thedigichick.com. Here is the journaling:
I am a Sarah McLachlan fanatic. I first heard her music in high school and I have been hooked ever since. Her angelic voice and her beautiful lyrics saved me during my college days. I finally found mysic that spoke to my soul. Her words showed me that it was ok to be sad, to be angry, and to FEEL. When all else fails,I put on a Sarah CD and the world is alright again.
I never thought I would be relieved we had a busy night. Makes me not have to think about things that weigh heavily on my mind. All our beds are full and there was no time to wallow in self pity. In any case, I took your posts and emails with me to work last night and I looked at my feelings more objectively. I continue to pray for poor little Baby J. And I pray for his lost mother. Thanks for your thoughts and kind words. You have no idea how much they move me. Now where can I find the humor in all this?
There are days when I'm ok. When I'm content with my life and what I've been blessed with. When I am grateful for the lot I have been given. Humbled by what the future may bring. But there are days like today, when I've come home from work wondering why it is I have not been blessed with a baby. When I doubt my faith just a little. I tell myself that it will happen in time. That the perfect moment will suddenly present itself, when the moons align with Jupiter and Mars, etcera etcetera etcetera. And then I look at a pediatric patient who reminds me of what I cannot have right now. I shall call him baby J. He has a mother who admits to doing cocaine and meth and alcohol while the baby was in utero. He has a mother who sells herself for drugs and cares not about her baby's health and well being. Sure we hope for the best. That maybe the damage was minimal. That baby J will someday lead a productive life. But it's not looking good for this baby. He is undergoing the pain of detox and now we have discovered that he has some bleeding in his brain. As a result, he will have many neurological deficits. As nurses, it is part of our job to refrain from judgment. But how can I do this when his mother comes and goes during his hospital stay? When all she cares about is feeding herself and her addiction? When she blames her baby's state on the nurses? We are there 24 hours a day, taking care of this baby who turns beet red and sneezes and seizes and vomits and bleeds and cries to be held every moment of his stay. It's painful for us to watch. How can a woman who is blessed with a child not care for her baby in the way she should? How can this woman not atone for the sins she has committed to her child and renew her life for the sake of her son? How is it that she is given this baby by God? How is it that I was not given the same?
This is it. The scrapbooking convention is coming to Vegas and I am lucky enough to be able to be there. Can't wait to see all the latest products and meet some online blogging and scrapping friends. If you see me, remember this: I am much cuter and skinnier in photos (thank you, Photoshop). And I'm probably much shyer than you might think. For example, I probably won't be bringing up my husband's sperm count or my vagina whisperer in any public conversations. After all, there is a time and place for everything! :)
If you're going to CHA, let me know. I would love to meet you!
It's such a relief to see an exam table that's flat without stirrups. Although they did ask me to get naked except for my underwear and put on the ever lovely gown wardrobe. For a back and spine exam, I didn't think I had to shave my legs. Sheesh. I almost poked his eyes out as he was trying to check my knees for reflexes. Anyway, he interpreted the MRI results for me and gave me 3 options:
- physical therapy, the most conservative.
- epidural injections into the spine. Youch.
- surgery in which he takes the problematic disk out. Major youch.
So, guess which option I chose. I now have an appointment with a physical therapist but the earliest appointment will be in a couple of weeks. Until then, no heavy lifting, maintain correct posture, Ben & Jerry's, and pain meds. Ok, I added the Ben & Jerry's in there, but I read between the lines.
My blog has gotten a bath. Got tired of the dark background and now it's all bright and fresh and squeaky clean. It took me forever to get that flower banner looking that way with Photoshop Elements, and in the end, it was all accidental. The coconut girl was made by Mindy Terasawa, but I tweaked the colors a little. I love her since she looks like me, cute and chubby aka short and stout. Yes, I'm a little teapot. Oh, and I lifted the password protection which (duh!) you've probably already figured out.
I have an appointment with the spine specialist tomorrow so wish me luck. Hopefully, all will be well and I can get back to doing sexual acrobatics with dear hubby. Oh wait, that's probably what got me in this mess in the first place. Guess not.
Thought I would share this with you all. It's a handy calendar I found on 2Peas, showing all the submission calls. Now get to submitting!
See this? No, it's not exercise equipment. Husband, this isn't a new toy to replace the nixed stripper pole idea (although it's a good thought). It's an inversion table and I want one. It'll tip you upside down and gently put traction on your spine. Basically, it will stretch me out to relieve lower back pain. Maybe it will make me 5'2" and maybe my breasts will miraculously be uplifted in the process. One can only dream. Had an MRI of my L-spine today and it definitely showed a herniated disk. So Jeff found me a spine specialist so that maybe I won't need any surgery. Now if they can only fit me into their busy schedule. Our goal here is to have the least invasive solutions for my back. No cutting for me if I can help it, says the nurse.