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November 2005
Next month:
January 2006

new year's resolutions.

1.  Become healthier.  I really must get back on the treadmill and start exercising more.  Yes, the elliptical is my nemesis but I gotta conquer it!  I did really well with the brown carb thing and must continue this.   I feel like I am abusing my body with hormones, etc. with the fertility thing and I have to remember to care for this (ahem) voluptuous figure.

2.  Read more.  I used to be an avid reader but time and schedules have gotten in the way.  I end up reading scrapbooking mags and forgetting that there is a whole world out there of enlightening and entertaining books.  I gotta try to read more self improvement books.

3.  Keep in better touch with family and friends.  Write handwritten letters, make birthday cards, make Christmas cards, call, visit, and get to know friends more.

4.  Connect with my husband more.  Jeff and I have been very busy lately and it's easy to take each other for granted.  Gotta go on some date nights this year.  And maybe get a little more action.  From my husband.

5.  Scrapbook more for me.  It's easy to get caught up in submitting.  I have to remember that not all pages are supposed to be published.  I have so many photos left to scrapbook and I neglect to do them because the photos are not perfect.  I have to remember to capture the memory and not just the perfect page.  Easier said than done but I will try.

6.  Use my supplies.  I end up collecting more stuff instead of actually using up my all my supplies.  Note to self...before I buy anymore stuff, I have to make 10 pages.  Yeah, right.

7. Keep up with the housework and mail more.  I tend to let things pile up and it takes me hours to clean.  Gotta keep up with tidying up the house as it comes instead of waiting.  I tend to become overwhelmed and put it off.  I also have piles and piles of junk mail that I never get to.  Gotta take care of the junk before they become fire hazards.

8. Learn photography and take better photos of people.  I have a Canon Digital Rebel and I have no idea how to use it!  Will really learn this year.  Maybe I will have time to take a class.

9. Hone my karaoke skills.  Got this karaoke system with thousands of songs and will learn more than 2 songs so that I can impress my mother.  I also would like to improve my voice.  I want lessons real bad.

10. Keep the faith.  I have realized that my faith has wavered in the last couple of months.  I find myself reminding myself to pray.  I have become cynical and self reliant, forgetting that there is a God that cares for me and is carrying me through the difficult times.  He is not punishing me by not giving me a baby.  It might just not be my time or it might not be my time at all.  I have to find a way to be ok with or without a child in my life and I must trust in God's will.  I have to come to terms with what God has planned for me and not become a bitter, old woman.  My husband prays for this also since he has to live with me.  I will continue  to pray for strength and courage because I really need it right now.


breaking up is hard to do.

I feel a little better.  I can stand and walk without wincing in pain.  My back and pelvis are improved a little more every second.  I've been trying to hold going to the bathroom because, frankly, it hurt to reach around to wipe my ass.  So in case you were wondering, I'm much better in that department.  Now I'm trying to break up with my new friend, Demerol, since I will be going to work soon.  I suppose if I'm not supposed to operate machinery, I shouldn't be taking care of babies.  I'm going to attempt to go into work tomorrow night.  Hopefully, I'll make it through my shift without fainting from pain.  I only took one Demerol today.  The rest of the pain, I managed with Ibuprofen, the 800 mg kind.  There goes my liver. 


i heart demerol.

I have a high tolerance for physical pain.  Probably because I hate going to the doctor.  I attribute that to the nurse in me.  So when I've had pelvic and back pain for 3 weeks, I just blamed that on ovulation and not doing the Clomid this month.  I just took Motrin, Tylenol, and Aleve.  But last night, the pain was so excruciating, nothing helped.  I could barely stand, let alone sit on the toilet to pee.  I seemed to spend most of my time doubled over.  I finally made it back to the RE after not seeing them for almost a month early this morning.  At this point, my mind was going into overdrive thinking the worst of the worst.  Being a nurse makes me the worst patient and the worst hypochondriac.  They did a trans vaginal ultrasound once again to try to find out where the heck the pain was coming from.  Turns out I have a right ovarian cyst that has decided to burst.  Explains the sharp pain, huh?  Youch!  So now I'm typing this on Demerol and just woke up after sleeping for 5 hours.  In other words, I love everyone and I love drugs.

BTW, I want to thank my husband who went with me to the appointment and who helped me put on my granny panties at the doctor's office.  It was a nightmare trying to put them on this morning.  If it weren't for him, I would have gone commando all day long.  Cheers for kind husbands and Demerol!


merry day after christmas.

We survived our Christmas party.  Of course, there was so much food we could have had 3 other parties.  My mom made some lumpia and pansit and other Filipino food even I wouldn't eat.  Sometimes shrimp with their heads and skin still attached and beef tripe just isn't so appetizing even for a coconut like me.  Besides all the food my mom made, the guests were kind enough to force feed us more delectables!  I still have 2 cheesecakes in the fridge.  In any case, it was great fun but I think that the family Christmas party will be at my parents' house next year.  I don't think I can handle the clean-up and the leftover food from 100 people. 

My siblings have a Christmas tradition since we are all poor.  We give each other leftovers from our junk drawer or something we hate that our parents' gave us that we pass around from one person to the other, like a Rudolph Christmas sweater 3 sizes too big.  In other words, funny but cheap.  In reality, we all have everything we could possibly need.   This year, the theme was "tacky gifts from the dollar store."  I made out with a penis whistle (try explaining that to your stepdaughter), some generic Spam aka luncheon meat from Albertson's, and generic corned beef in a can.  Got my sister's some cheap beanies with old, expired candy and got my brothers some bling (aka necklaces complete with rusty chains and fake diamonds).  I guess you would have to be part of this nutty family to appreciate this because I have a feeling my in-laws wouldn't find the humor in finding a penis straw (I still have tons from my bachelerotte party) in their Christmas stocking.  I might have to try this next year.

In any case, here is a photo of me, my sisters, and my cousin.  I gotta avoid posing for pictures with these chicks even though they enjoy them so much.  Merry Christmas, you skinny bitches.

Skinny_bitches


anticipation.

I love the anticipation of Christmas.  The twinkling lights, the happy people, the red and green, the food, the holiday parties, the gifts, the Mass, the music, the cards in the mail.  It's exciting!   Let's face it.  My home looks like Santa threw up all over the place.  It's the only time of the year where I can be excused for being and enjoying the tacky.  When else do I delight in the wonder of caroling toilet paper holders and green fuzzy toilet seat covers with Rudolph's face?  If I could keep all the decorations up I would, but hubby is not so agreeable for some reason.  What I dread is the let-down of after-Christmas.  Without all the Christmas decorations, my house is an empty shell, just reminding me that I still have to fill the house with furniture and that I'm too broke to do it.  Anyone else have the blues after Christmas?