parenting lesson #136.

Needless to say, I am very green at the parenting, especially to a 14 year old boy. Yesterday, I was catching up on my Dr. Phil episodes and Junior happened to be around as is the case every day now. They were featuring teens who were having sex and getting pregnant. Thank goodness for shows like Bret Michaels' Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, and Dr. Phil. They teach lessons I didn't have to explain myself. Of course, I encouraged an open dialogue (please don't have sex). I asked him what he knew (please don't have sex). He explained that his mom told him all about it- you put your thingie in her thingie (you better not have sex). WTF? This is one of my pet peeves, when people don't give private parts their given medical names. But I guess I should be grateful that she was not telling him about his schnitzel and her bun, know what I mean? Anyway, I digress. Throughout the course of the show one of the teen girls on the show stated that she was afraid to have sex because she heard it hurt. Of course, Junior asked why all the teens were doing it if it hurt so bad? I set him straight and told him that yes it hurts. Her Veronica will bite yours off. OK, I didn't say that. But I did tell him that at first this act hurts the female (don't have sex) but that we want him to wait until he was married and that this act was very special to both a husband and a wife. In other words, I lied to him. Ha! But he kept insisting on knowing why sex hurts so much. In my infinite knowledge of sex and parenting, I asked him to think about a hot dog going into his ear and see if he would like it. Got that? It hurts. So don't do it. Dammit.

Comments

[Tiffany]

Love the hot dog example!

[Joscelyne (Joscie) Cutchens]

You are so funny!

[Lisa D.]

too funny!

[Lani]

a hot dog going in your ear???? ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lani]

p.s. how would u explain a 5-10lb baby coming out of the same ear??? inquiring minds wanna know =)

[valerie]

even worse - a Ball Park Frank going in your ear.

they plump when you cook 'em, you know.

[RobinV]

I think its great that he feels so comfortable with you that you can have this sort of dialog. He is lucky to have you as a parent.

[Shelly in the NW]

well you should get bonus points for trying at least! :) at this point is when i have my husband take over and discuss. My son (almost 15) is all talk and no action...but probably because he hasn't had the opportunity, he doesn't go to dances, mixers, slumber parties, and parties with boys/girls and no parents (like I did when i was his age). he does go to a lot of activities but they are mostly 'team' sports activities with parents in tow. (drag for him i know).

we've been focusing more on how doing the wrong thing can have dire consequences - getting a disease that can shorten his life, having a baby he's not ready to care for, giving everything up he has planned for his future (like college and sports) by not having good judgement and making poor choices.

We've also been focusing more on what it's like for the girls because he has a little sister - so when/if he talks trash about girls we remind him that he has a sister and he wouldn't like it if boys talked about her like that.

Is it working?...not sure...be we keep talking.

The experts do say that talking while in the car is best because you have their attention and you don't have to look face-to-face and be embarrassed.

[Veronica]

Damn it woman! My name is Veronica. PLEASE stop calling me a vagina :)

[Leslie]

Will you be my mom? I mean, I know the whole "how to have sex" thing and I'm already married so the "You'd better wait" thing would be sort of non-applicable . . . but you're a hoot, girlfriend. Every teenage kid should be so lucky to have an open and witty parent such as yourself. :)

Oh, and to answer Lani's question in the comments . . . I've always explained the sensation of giving birth as pooping a bowling ball. This usually makes my 10 year old son laugh hysterically. (He's well on his way to becoming a typical male, eh?)

[heather Prins]

omg, note to self... do not drink anything and read this blog!!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!

[Nathalie (brn2scrp)]

O.M.G. - that's just hilarious. Don't feel bad though. My son is almost 12, I've had him since birth, and I still dread
those conversations, and usually stumble my way through them... lol. In my opinion, you handled that quite well! I vote for piping recorded messages into his room while he sleeps ... ya know ... "don't have sex" ... lol!

[Cindy/WAgal]

Bwuhahahaha!!! OMGawd that was too funny. Geeat visual with the hotdog/ear!!! LOL!