i am a coconut.

happy stepmother's day to me.

Got this from Jr. this morning. :)

doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...

Since this is Nurses' Week, I have changed my schedule a bit to participate in the hospital festivities. Today, I will be working from 1-9pm. This way I get to see my night shift staff for a little bit and I get to pass out pizza in the cafeteria for the whole hospital's night crew. I forgot how fun it is to be at home in the morning time. I got to sleep in until 7:30 am, watch some of my DVRd shows, and get phone calls from my husband. Usually, it's the usual how are you? did you sleep in? i miss you. you were snoring this morning (so NOT true!). Today, he calls saying that he had the song from Juno in his head all morning and couldn't get it out and he wanted to pass it along to me. Argh. I hate that. Evil, evil husband.

And now I'm passing it along to you. Because I am an evil, evil scrapbooker.

an apple a day.

Happy Nurses' Week to all you nurses out there! I know how hard you work and I hope someone has appreciated your dedication today. :) I have been thinking about what to give my licensed staff for a while now. I wanted it to be different this time and as ambitious (or naive) as I am I decided to give out handmade caramel apples to 50 nurses on my unit. I found out something about myself--that I need help. Do I give myself more things to do on purpose? Am I a glutton for punishment? I had such high hopes. I would add drizzled chocolates, marshmallows, mini m&m's, chocolate chips, pretzels, pecans, etc. After a while, I was slapping the apples with a spoonful of caramel and calling it a day. After melting caramel, washing 50 apples in Fit, pulling out the stems, pushing in the popsicle sticks, dipping the apples in caramel, dunking them in a bowl of peanuts, cooling them off in the fridge, packaging them all nice and pretty for the staff, I NEVER want to look at another apple again. Here's what my dream looked like:

In the end, it didn't quite turn out like I wanted but the nurses enjoyed them, give or take a few teeth. :) Next year, maybe a simple "thank you" will suffice?

lovely lilacs.

I have been playing a lot with purple recently. I am determined to use up my supplies. It's amazing that I have not purchased any new paper, ribbon, or tools lately. I can actually make at least 500+ pages with the stuff I already have. I miss buying the latest and the greatest but my scrapping time has been cut dramatically and to buy things I don't NEED feels frivolous and insane. Lately, I look at my scrap area with fresh eyes. I have WAY too much.  Of everything. What was I thinking? Do I want to feed a 14 year old boy or do I need the newest cutter? How much cardstock can one person have? Buttons? Ribbons? Do I purchase scrap supplies to fill something missing in my life? I don't know. Maybe I need scrap therapy.

happy scrapbook day.

Hope you spend the day drowning in paper and glue. :)

1. Eva's First Easter, 2. Today, 3. Home Is Where the Heart Is, 4. Birthday Flowers, 5. Cupcake, 6. Santa Baby, 7. Bday gift, 8. Happy, 9. We Are Family, 10. Kylie Simone, 11. Note To Self, 12. What Were You Thinking?, 13. I Am Cute, 14. Huggable, 15. Girly, 16. Right Now, 17. My Happy Place, 18. Friendship, 19. Hot Chicks, 20. I {Heart} NY, 21. One Track Mind, 22. Yummy, 23. High School Musical Freak, 24. C, 25. Home Created with fd's Flickr Toys.

does steve perry look different to you?

Holy crap. I think I'm related to the new front man of Journey.

all of my muscles hurt except those in my fingers.

I made these cards recently:

Supplies:
paper scraps
Marvy Punches
Stampin' Up! stamps and ink pads

i've been given the thumbs up or was it another finger?

My Pilates instructor, aka Wendy, aka torture monger, had given me her blessing when walking this weekend. It wasn't approval for a leisurely stroll in the park. It was for the March of Dimes (MOD) walk this Saturday. Yes, it was for a good cause, but I could have just kicked her. She had introduced me to  cardio on the Pilates machine the day before the walk. Are you up for some cardio today? she says with a smile. It really was not a question. It was the illusion of making me a part of the decision to kick my own ass. I was sweating and panting and ready to curse the girl. My quads, my gluts, and my inner thighs were burning after the 45 minute workout. I suppose the good thing about the pain in my lower body is that I forgot about the pain in my back. She is a genius! The cure for back pain is to introduce pain on another body part. Why didn't I think of that? Of course, I was there to support MOD and my company but gearing up to get my ass kicked on purpose was not the most enjoyable. I am happy to say it was a beautiful day in Vegas, we raised a lot of money for the cause, and we all survived the walk. Sort of.

happy early administrative assistants day.

Did these for my secretaries at work. You can't go wrong with a half pound of chocolate wrapped in scrapbook paper!

Supplies:
DCWV patterned paper
silk flowers from Walmart
Prima flowers
Cocktail Shaker font
Marvy Uchida oval scallop punch
Marvy Uchida oval punch

got stamps?

Hey, all! If anyone is interested in ordering Stampin' Up! products, please email me. I am putting in an order soon and don't want to miss anyone.

Here are the latest catalogs online:
Spring/Summer Collection 2008
Occasions Mini Collection 2008

Thanks!

petrified butt part 2.

My spine doctor has recommended Physical Therapy again. I have been reunited with Ed, aka Physical Therapist extraordinaire. My back has been feeling a little better but still sore and I have numbness in my right leg. Thank goodness I have not been doing any patient care. I would have probably been on the floor out of commission again for a month.  Ed did a whole body movement assessment on me and it turns out, SURPRISE, I don't have a core. I have not been using my abdominal muscles as I should. He also says that I can't bend backwards. No, shit. Like I've ever been able to bend backwards. Maybe he has me mixed up with someone else. Doesn't he remember saying I had a petrified butt once? How easily we forget! Does he think 4 weeks of PT will help me become a contortionist? Well, since my pain has been dramatically less than before, he has added on a new set of exercises--Pilates. I don't know much about Pilates except it looks scary as hell. The Pilates girl, Wendy, tortured me on the first day. I did lots of leg exercises, up and down, up and down, up and down. Put your legs over here, put your legs over there. My ankles, calves, thighs, and ass are burning right now from the workout. I will say that Wendy was very kind to me. She was very encouraging and understanding about the pain and my inability to lift my leg over my head. I think that after 4 weeks, I will learn to bend backwards and make my husband very, very happy. Wise as she was, she  said, "Girl, you are so tight." Um. How did she know that after weeks of back pain, I have become a virgin again?

embossed cards.

I'm taking full advantage of my Cuttlebug embossing folders. No, I did not add words like "Sweet" and "Soft" to these cards. I'm fighting the urge to add "Vomit" to the pinkness of it all. OK, fine. I admit it. I am on my period.

cherish.

I have lots of stamps and rubons that have one word titles like "Cherish," "Dream," "Heaven," and "Escape." After a while, those words don't seem to fit my life and make me want to hurl. My life is never that perfect. I need rubber stamps that say "Arthritis," "Astigmatism," "Stress," and "Constipation." I do have standards though. I hope to never use words  like "Premature" and "Ejaculation."

it's like riding a bike.

I think I forgot how to scrapbook. It might be like riding a bicycle except I don't know how to ride one. Ha!

Here's my little niece, Eva, on her first Easter.

Supplies:
Heidi Grace patterned cardstock
Plantin Schoolbook Cricut Cartridge
pink and brown cardstock unknown
Stampin' Up! Big Flowers stamp set
Stampin' Up! Pink Passion ink pad
Stampin' Up! Pixie Pink ink pad
Stampin' Up! Chocolate Chip ink pad
Stampin' Up! Real Red ink pad
Stampin' Up! punch
Doodlebug Design brown brads

stamp storage ideas.

I really want to erase the vision of the stripper in my mind. On to bigger and disease-free things! :)

More fun stuff! I am always looking for new storage ideas for my stamps since my stash keeps getting bigger and bigger. I might have to take over the living room soon. Just kidding, husband. :)

1. Stamping, 2. Stampin up stamps and embelishments, 3. SU Rubber Stamp Display, 4. New Studio!, 5. CD's as storage, 6. Ikea storage, 7. Art Room: Old-27, 8. Little green colander, 9. 1.11.08, 10. Scraproom #6, 11. mom's craft space, 12. A house that houses some of my stamps, 13. Pink Paislee - CHA SHOW!, 14. words and small stamp storage, 15. Stamp Organization - Shelf full of stamps, 16. Rubber stamp set from 1932, 17. stamp holder, 18. My Stamp Display Shelves, 19. cramcream stamps holder, 20. Peek at the new studio, 21. magnetic!, 22. stamp storage, 23. red_lead stamp storage idea, 24. Stamp storage, 25. stamp storage Created with fd's Flickr Toys.

stripper advice.

My friend decided to give her husband a surprise party tonight and one of her gifts was to get him a stripper. I suppose this is something everyone wants at some point in their life. I thought that my hubby and I would get to the party late enough to miss the shenanigans but alas we came in at just the right time. Dammit. If you are a female stripper, please keep the following in mind (of course, these foolproof rules will work in any situation especially in the health care setting):

1. Please take care not to park your big ol' honking truck behind people who are trying to make a quick getaway. It's so awkward to have to ask you to move it while you are gyrating on someone's crotch.
2. Please protect the carpet and cloth furniture more effectively. One thin sheet cannot possibly keep your paraphernalia of oils, massage lotion, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce from soaking into the material. You will piss off the host and you will never be invited to another dinner party again.
   
3. Please cut off the tag from your thong underwear. I don't care to know that the size is "teensy weensy."
4. Please warn the guests that you will get naked. Guests will be staring with their mouths hanging open. Goodness knows I am no prude, but even I have never seen anything like this before. The stripper at my bachelorette party, aka Mr. Police Officer aka weren't-you-my-pediatric-patient-2-years-ago was rated PG compared to this winner.
5. Please make sure you take off your ace wrap and splint off of your foot. It takes away from the overall effect when you place your feet behind your head. It's very jarring to have to stare at your pubic mound (thank you for keeping your underwear on, by the way) and then be blinded by an injured extremity.
6. If you must offer tequila shots to the guest of honor, don't try to trick the guests by pretending not to know that whipped cream is not included in the mix. I'm not that stupid. Whipped cream should only be used for pies, Starbucks, and husbands.
7. After taking off your thong, don't make a pretense of making a dollar bill a replacement for your underwear. I don't care that it is a learned skill to pick up paper money with your crotch. I suppose I should be grateful that you have left out quarters with this trick. This is why I never carry cash. Ew.

Thank you.

purple passion.

I have been trying to use colors that don't necessarily speak to me. I'm not a big fan of purple. Not because it reminds me of old people, but I'm more of a pink girl. I have loads of purple cardstock that just sits here unused and neglected until today. They have finally seen the light of day!

Supplies:
purple cardstock unknown
Stampin' Up! So Many Scallops stamp set
Stampin' Up! Pale Plum ink pad
Stampin' Up! Lovely Lilac ink pad
Cuttlebug embossing folder
JoAnn Essentials rhinestone brad
ribbons unknown

scrap room inspiration saturday.

Gotta love flickr and the fun options they offer. I just searched for scrap studios and these beauties pop up. Mosaic made with Mosaic Maker by Big Huge Labs.

1. A ribbon, part of my collection!, 2. my creative space, 3. finished!, 4. neat + tidy, 5. studio :: so clean, 6. After - STUDIO, 7. My art studio, 8. New Improved Studio 01, 9. Studio Organization, 10. love, joleen studio, 11. Craft Room, 12. organized craft room, 13. Craft room shelves, 14. Craft Room Ribbon Jars, 15. craft room, 16. My New Craft Room, 17. Yay new shelves!, 18. craft room (after), 19. Craft room 3, 20. Pottery Barn craft room, 21. after: the craft room, 22. My crafting room, 23. Reorganized Craft Room, 24. New colors, 25. Room of Drawers and a Table, 26. scraproom, 27. Storage Closet, 28. IMG_6870-2, 29. the office, 30. craft room inspiration, 31. Stash corner, 32. Cans I covered for the craft room, 33. anthropologie craft room window display 2, 34. buttons, 35. thread, 36. Bonde IKEA shelfs

interview advice.

If you are going for an interview soon, keep these foolproof rules in mind. They work very well in the health care setting, but you could also make it work in any situation.

1. Do not show up late under any circumstance. The boss does not appreciate it. If she has to wake up at an unGodly hour of 5:50 in the morning, you better get your ass here by 11:30. Dammit.
2. When asked what your weaknesses are, don't say " I cry too much" and then proceed to cry uncontrollably. It makes for a very uncomfortable interview and it makes the manager want to cry, too.
3. When asked what strengths you might have, do not say "I'm not paranoid. Sometimes, I just think everyone's talking about me. But not all the time. Just most of the time." The manager will believe you because then you are no longer paranoid. She IS talking about you.
4. When asked if you have a high school diploma, please HAVE a high school diploma. It's quite embarrassing for you when you have to go back to 10th grade and finish your Physical Eduation requirement at the age of 35.
5. If you are asked how your peers would describe you, do not say "lazy and slow" because SURPRISE- the manager will believe you.

Thank you.

in love with teal.

I used to hate teal. I thought it was tacky and for old people like my parents. I guess it was a normal  progression for me to fall in love with the color, too, since I am now old.

Supplies:
cardstock unknown
Cuttlebug embossing folder
Stampin' Up! So Many Scallops stamp set
Stampin' Up! Close to Cocoa ink
Stampin' Up! scallop punch
ribbons unknown

exsqueeze me?

I guess the last post is a bit confusing. Why would the cleansing system help my sense of smell? Man, this lady (that would be me) is obtuse. I can't even explain why I would take such pills. Sheesh, I think my mind is becoming mush. My husband likes to educate me about this stuff and, no offense, honey, I'm not really paying attention. Colon cleansing just doesn't interest me. Okay, so apparently, my sensitivity to smell could be because I have built up toxins, chemicals, pesticides in my body through the years. In other words, my body has reached the maximum and protests loudly when exposed to more of the bad stuff by wheezing and coughing. CleanseSmart is supposed to take away  all the pollutants from my body and make me a new woman. Except I keep the same boobs and the same hair. Amen.

what the smell?

When I first met my husband a little over 10 years ago, I used to bathe in perfume. You knew I was walking in before I even entered a room. As time went on, I became more sensitive to smell. I could not tolerate my husband's cologne. I made myself sick with my own perfume. The girl who loved the smell of bleach could not even tolerate the scent of Downy and Tide. I felt like someone was standing on my chest, suffocating me all the time. My husband and I hid from the world. We could not walk through the casinos because of cigarette smoke. We would re-wash the kids' clothes in perfume free detergent and invested in unscented shampoo/conditioner for the whole family. My teenage stepson is dying to wear cologne and I am spoiling his fun by wanting to breathe. He so badly wants to be adult.

Well, my husband is sick of it. He wants me to smell good again. He no longer wants me to smell clean. He wants me to smell like a whore. OK, then. This is his plan. Take these pills and it will solve all of our problems. He has discovered CleanseSmart. No, you don't slather it all over your body. That would be too much fun and your back could not tolerate it. You swallow it and it will detoxify your whole system, dear. Fool that I am, I take the miracle cure. Little did I know that it is a colon cleansing system designed to keep me very attached to my toilet.  Was I supposed to read the box like every good nurse should? No, because it's CleanseSmart. The one word says it all. It is very intelligent  just like the box says. It works alright. It doesn't seem to end. You just keep going and going and going and once you think you are done you gotta go some more. I have decided to boycott the system for the past couple of days. Hey, I don't let anything get between me and my card-making. Dammit. Well, I have been found out and hubby has been force feeding the pills to me twice a day, which by the way are made with plant extracts and eye of gnut and other things to scare the crap out of you. Ha ha.

I supposed it has started working because I was at a baby shower this weekend and I could tolerate scented candles for 4 hours. Smelly candles usually give me a huge headache just by a small whiff and I am out of commission, wheezing and coughing, for days. I know, I know. Sexy. I am conceding to this one time, husband. This one time, you may almost be right. The pills seem to be working.

gee thanks.

More cards using scraps and an old SU stamp set (Play on Words). Sometimes I still can't bring myself to break into a new sheet of paper to make cards when I have a pile of perfectly good scraps to use.

many thanks.

Finished these cards as a gift this weekend. I figure everyone could use a stack of Thank You Cards. Made them similar in color and style for time constraints.

this just in. ha. ha. ha.

How long should one spend having intercourse? 1 hour? 2 hours? 30 minutes? It turns out that sex therapists say that the optimal time for the actual act is 3-13 minutes. I. DON'T. THINK. SO. But then again, I don't have a stop watch at the bedside. I have other toys. Like my electronic Sudoku game, I mean. Get your minds out of the gutter. Sheesh. If my husband told me about this study years ago, I might have just cut my losses as the oldest virgin IN THE WORLD and not married him. Thank goodness this time frame does not include foreplay. To me, foreplay is like dessert. Steak tastes great and is very filling, but it just does not quench my craving for sweets like chocolate mousse does. If I can forego the main course and have dessert ALL NIGHT LONG that would be just fine for me. At least today. Tomorrow I might just want meat. :)

Studies also say that those who aren't getting any because-of-a-bad-back  talk about sex. A LOT. In other words...ME.

sneaking in creative time.

Made this last night. I hope my scrapbooking doesn't go by the wayside with my time constraints. Card making is instant gratification and does not require a lot of preparation for me. For now, this is satisfying my creative urges. :)

Supplies:
Stampin' Up Lovely Labels stamp set
Marvy Uchida scallop punch
Marvy Uchida circle punch
ribbon unknown
Piggy Tales patterned cardstock
Provo Craft (Christina Cole) patterned paper
DCWV pink cardstock

i hurt my badonkadonk.

I have not done anything physical lately and I still managed to injure myself. Ironically, I think I hurt my ass by sitting in the studio scrapbooking and card-making all weekend. Or it could be spending all Monday night vegetating on the couch watching Dancing With the Stars. Yes, I I suppose I deserve to lay like broccoli after working 12 days straight.

And now I suffer. I came home today, did my obscene spine exercises, and walked around with a bag of ice in my pants. Not the most attractive look but very effective in reducing pain. Once a herniated disk, always a herniated disk. :P

Off to take my best friend, Motrin...